note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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