margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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