theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
