remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
