Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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