He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
