i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
