Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
