so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
