They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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