You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
