***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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