porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
