Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
