So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
