Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
