She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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