Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize