I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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