I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
