Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
