...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
