what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
