Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
