Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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