I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
