Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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