i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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