she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
