You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
