apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
