Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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