why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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