Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
