I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
