I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
