I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
