i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
