I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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