Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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