I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
