Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize