this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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