Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
