I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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