I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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