we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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