Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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