And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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