I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
