hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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