Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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