I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
