just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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