Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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