I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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