Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
