did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize