she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
