I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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