Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize