Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
