Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
