Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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