The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
