I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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