too bad you live with your parents still
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We need to get me chipped asap
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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