you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
