So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We are all done wearing pants today
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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