There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
