I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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