If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
