Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
