Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
