I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
