Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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