the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
