we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
