I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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