your room smells of hookers.
And success
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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