you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
