Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
