You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
