I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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