I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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