Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
