Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
