oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
