Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
