You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize