we're blogging at a bar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
