A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
